Hallo London

Im finally Back to London.
I was sad the first day...
Now I've adjusted and am really excited to join University again...
Second year..Lots of studies..

Nothingness

Sketch by Tonia Bonnell

I'm sitting here in my bedroom... In the middle of my bed and waiting for someone to come and talk to me. No sound except for my noisy old Laptop can be heard. It is an annoying sound. Six more days and then I'm flying back. Somehow I'm not liking it here anymore. I want to go home. It has been four months now. I dont know what I am waiting for. Why is there a countdown? A countdown to what? A merrier future?

Messed up?

I am not liking my hair style, not my clothing, not the food I'm eating, not the fact that Im on bed most of the day... Im just not liking it nor am I getting the interest towards doing something great that would make me satisfied or joyful for the day. Somehow I am eagerly waiting to take the next Ryanair flight to London and join University as soon as possible again and finally get to use the iPad that has been sleeping on my desk for the past 2 weeks! I want to feel fresh, be able to comb my hair atleast! I am tired of the tangles! God!

Importance of Rings

What's the importance of engagement rings? Well, Im scared of the whole idea of marriage but I do fancy a thick pink engagement ring like the ones above! Hahahaha.I have always loved fat rings and my recent wanting is a sapphire ring with diamonds on the side... 

I had a dream

I had a dream.

I had a dream about meeting you. I came to ---- and somehow I was was walking through an Industrial area and was trying to hide one bag of mine in a fine architectural building. As I was walking through the maze like corridors, I saw light and assumed that it was afternoon as the sun was up in the sky, giving out its brightest shine ever. I walked out when I saw a man passing by, with a different hairstyle, I turned around and saw it to be you, wearing a blue tshirt and brown pants.

You turned and looked at me with a sarcastic smile. Somehow I knew that you didn't feel comfortable. You invited me home and as we walked, you didn't even look at me once. We entered a two bedroom house. I saw another roommate of yours with his dad. He looked like Uzair Jaswal the singer, wearing a red t shirt.

Somehow you showed no interest

I felt really heardbroken but then told myself that its okay. This is how things were supposed to turn out. Its me who broke everything into pieces for a better future, for both of us. And we will never be the same again. Cant be the same again. Its best if I let it go..

I got up, walked through the door. Came back and saw you laying on bed... then you went to the bathroom...came back and laid on the bed again.. And after watching all that, I walked out of your house with tears rolling down my cheeks...

NOTE: Most parts of the dream is unrealistic because it does not resemble occurrences in my personal life. I believe that dreams are a collection of thoughts, rooting from our conscious and subconscious mind. Yesterday was a heavy day for me and I was thinking about life, relationships and expectations.

I must say that the dream felt exhausting as it felt so realistic. Moreover, I haven't been dreaming for the past whole month, so it feels kinda different. The gloomy weather doesn't help, it just makes me more thoughtful.

Lets talk Fashion

Products from Accessorize

Kick Boxing. Exercising. University. Friends. One more way of staying busy and boost my self confidence is to get myself into fashion . I never really cared about my own style. It was casual and then went onward to being Gothic for a couple of years and then now its just all cute- pink stuff and hello kitty that is! I used to love it when I dressed up, and to get compliments from others. But I'm just too lazy about that. So I thought about getting rid of that laziness, go shopping and be proud of myself!  I thought about indulging myself into exploring different products and clothing styles that I haven't thought of before. Recently I have been into rings and I got nine of them from Stockholm - a shop called Six where lots of them were on discount. Pretty cheap I must say! Now I'm aiming towards buying good autumn clothing. 

Circumstances

I dont need to be in Bangladesh to be Happy. I dont need to be in Sweden to be happy. Nor do I need to be in UK to be happy. I just need to be happy with myself, regardless of the the people and place Im with or am in.

Dear Birmingham,

Birmingham City Center, United Kingdom

It was a bright day. Early Autumn. Ryanair lines to London. Coach from London Stansted to Birmingham. 3 hours of coach travel seemed a lot back in 2010. I still remember the cab ride back to my student accommodation, leaving my mom back at a hotel, as she had a flight to catch back to Stockholm. She didnt cry nor did I with the thought that we will meet soon again.That Night I met a lot of new people and lived in a country where I knew no one.I wasnt scared. Somehow I felt adventurous. That curiosity led me into doing so many things. Fortunately, I have developed so many beautiful memories in Birmingham starting 2010 to 2011. You see the place people are sitting on, infront of the church? I have been there during so many late evenings and afternoons, just staring at the church. At night I used to get scared thinking about the existence of haunted people.

I can keep talking about Birmingham. I used to go back there and meet old friends. But I guess I wont be doing that anymore. Because a part of me is dead now. I'm doing just fine in London... Atleast thats what I think I should feel...

Father Figure

"One Father is more than a hundred School Masters"

 How much does a father figure matter? Do women look at their own relationships and shape their lives in comparison to how they see their fathers behave in the family? Do women choose a man in their lives in comparison to their fathers? A better man or a man like their father? Is it true? I heard a saying somewhere that a man ends up marrying a woman like his own mother. How does it work for women then? How do we actually know if what we are doing is right? Is there an absolute right or wrong deed? Isnt everything relative in terms of situation and opinion?